IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
owadays
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Nowadays
 many individuals have to move overseas to find
jops
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jobs
leaveing
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leaving
 their families and friends.
Although
Linking Words
 many people think it carries
alot
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a lot
 of
difficalties
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difficulties
,
i
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I
show examples
belive
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believe
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 the benefit
overweight
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outweighs
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 the drawback by giving space for personal growth.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hands
Change to a singular noun
hand
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, the major advantages of moving away brings
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new
experineses
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experience
experiences
 and
gave
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gives
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 the chance
for facing
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to face
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life
Use synonyms
 in
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
enviroment
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environment
thus
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lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to development and personal growth .
For instance
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,taking
responsibilities
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responsibility
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of
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for
show examples
 their work,
accoumidation
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accommodation
in addition
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 to
safty
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safety
 that charging them with
experiencise
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experience
experiences
.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
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 study found that leaving
abroud
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abroad
for
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apply
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at least once in human
life
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 would be beneficial
on
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in
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 the long
term
Use synonyms
 which
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree
the
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with the
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 most with i believe moving away is a
Use synonyms
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
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exerience
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experience
transforme
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transforms
 human to another level in their
lifes
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lives
show examples
 and work
enviroments
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environments
environment
 eventally .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 , in many countries it is not an option
thus
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 they
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to move in
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term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
provied
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providing
life
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 for their families in
hometown
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their hometown
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,the individual could face psychological
consiquances
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consequences
specially
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especially
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 if they
attached
Add a missing verb
are attached
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 to them.
For instance
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,
scientist
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scientists
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 found the most section effects
by
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of
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 mental illness are the
one
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ones
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 away from
relavent
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relevant
such
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 as
,
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apply
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depression,
autisum
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autism
 and
lonlyness
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loneliness
.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion , no matter how hard and complex
such
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 a decision of
chossing
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choosing
travel
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to travel
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 outside for
better
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a better
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,
sutable
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suitable
stable
 occupation , the pros of making
this
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 step in
life
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 will elevate your
consciouse
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conscience
 and
boosts
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boost
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self - confiedence
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self-confidence
.
Linking Words
Further more
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Furthermore
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, it will pay off
on
Change preposition
in
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 the short
term
Use synonyms
 and
eventally
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eventually
,will overcome the cons of it for the long
term
Use synonyms
 .
Conclusion
Community’s feedback

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the structure of your essay by using clear paragraphs for each point. Connect your ideas logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
Make sure you clearly define your main points and expand on them appropriately, providing specific examples where possible.
language
Review your essays for spelling and grammatical errors which can distract from your argument.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are relatively clear, but try to make your thesis statement and summary more precise.
task achievement
You have included both advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work, showing a balanced perspective.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has an effective introduction and a conclusion which helps to frame your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas show an understanding of personal growth benefits when moving abroad, which adds depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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