IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have seen an advertisement in the local newspaper for a volunteer position at a hospital. Write a letter to the hospital expressing your interest in applying for the volunteer role. In your letter: Explain why you are interested in this unpaid work. Share any relevant experience you have that makes you a suitable candidate for this position. Mention when you would be available to start volunteering.

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Dear Mom or Sir, I see there is
Correct article usage
an advartisement
show examples
advartisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
 in
newspaper
Correct article usage
the newspaper
show examples
 to apply
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your hospital to volunteer, so I am really interested to apply in
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
. I am really interested
to
Change the preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 because there are some reasons,
for example
Linking Words
: I want to obtain a lot of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and I
am feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 happy when I help others. One of
experiences
Add an article
the experiences
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 that I
have
Wrong verb form
had was
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 when I
help
Wrong verb form
was helping
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 others who caught
tsunami
Correct article usage
a tsunami
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 in Aceh.
I
Add a verb
I am
I was
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proud
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 myself because I did it. It is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best experience that I have
.
Add a missing verb
had.
show examples
 There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 that I can do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, like unpair worker to accompany and support of patient
,
Change preposition
as, comforter
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comforter
Add an article
a comforter
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 to the patient.
This
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
recommended
Add a missing verb
is recommended
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 for people who have a high social potential like me. Usually, I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will get ready
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 if I have
finish
Change the verb form
finished
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
worked
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and I have spare time to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do it. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Leo Messi

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph conveys a single, clear idea. You have mixed multiple points in the same paragraph which makes it slightly harder for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Include more specific details about your availability and perhaps provide a more structured timeline of when you can start.
task achievement
The tone of your writing is very suitable for a formal letter expressing interest in a volunteer position.
coherence cohesion
Your closing conveys politeness and respect, which is effective for this kind of correspondence.
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