IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

the pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

the pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.
The statistics present the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rates includes four countries of the UK from 2013 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, a huge decrease happened in England ,Wales and Northern Ireland
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 the graph shows how
unemployment
Use synonyms
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 slightly in Scotland during one year. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of unemployed women reached 6.7%
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of 2014.
While
Linking Words
 in the other countries as England and Wales
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
insignificant differences in
percentage
Use synonyms
 of decrease
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
approximately
Verb problem
are approximately
show examples
 0.3-0.4% , in Scotland
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 difference reached almost 0.6%.
This
Linking Words
 country progressively
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 level of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 growth.
That is
Linking Words
 why Scotland
raised
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 the highest point in 2014-6.7% , compared to the
percentage
Use synonyms
 in Northern Ireland, which
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not even felt dramatically to almost 1%, but
also
Linking Words
 remained the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
women among
Correct word order
among women
show examples
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, unemployment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: