IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

the pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

the pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.
These pie charts illustrate some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. In general, females and males chose more non-manual than manual.
Craft
Fix the agreement mistake
Crafts
show examples
 or similar in
manual
Add an article
the manual
show examples
 were chosen by female and male are different.
Womens
Correct your spelling
Women
 selected 3% and
mens
Correct your spelling
men's
men
means
 selected 24%. It
clearly seen
Add the auxiliary verb
is clearly seen
show examples
 that boys
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prefer
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 or similar
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 girls.
Moreover
Linking Words
 clerical or related
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
non-manual they selected difference,
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 6% and
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
 31%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
another
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
show examples
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
 they are
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 is similar. In general labourers they had a 1% difference, females chose 1% and males chose 2%. In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two pie charts clearly seen that these people had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
27% and just over a quarter in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 manual.
In addition
Linking Words
, managerial and professional were chosen by
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at 29%,
while
Linking Words
 males had just over a third.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the
Linking Words
lastly
Change the word
last
show examples
 one is other non-manual they selected 9% and 6%, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: