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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #show #information #crime #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph and the pie chart
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the data about
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom, including the
last
Linking Words
 year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that the most common
age
Use synonyms
 was 20 for
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a
crime
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the top
crime
Use synonyms
 type. Looking at the data in greater detail, the biggest difference was for the
age
Use synonyms
 group 20. There
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 no
crimes
Use synonyms
 reported until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 12.
However
Linking Words
, after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 12,
crime
Use synonyms
 rates increased rapidly. It
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
claimed
 to 70 and continued to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 20. It had its peak
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 80.
However
Linking Words
, the numbers for
crime
Use synonyms
 numbers declined rapidly to 20, for the
age
Use synonyms
 group 28.
Also
Linking Words
, the numbers dropped gradually
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, nearly half of the
crimes
Use synonyms
 were related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 violence.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by property
crimes
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The proportion of drug
crimes
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
 related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public order differed dramatically, it was only 9 per cent. In summary, the most common
age
Use synonyms
 group for
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a
crime
Use synonyms
 was between 16 to 24.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
, violence was the top
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gonulsimge29 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words crimes, age, crime with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • The line graph depicts
  • The pie chart illustrates
  • reveals
  • displays
  • depicts
  • the trend of
  • the overall crime rate
  • steadily decreased
  • the distribution of
  • different types of crime
  • prevalent
  • accounts for
  • the most common crime
  • followed by
  • make up
  • a smaller proportion of
  • the total crimes
  • a smaller percentage
  • approximately
  • the remaining percentage
  • It is important to note that
  • reflects
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