IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. Some people think that as land as becoming scarce, the worlds meat consumption should be reduced. What measures could be taken to reduce the world's meat consumption? What kind of problem might such measures cause?

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In recent years, the number of who consume
meat
Use synonyms
 has increased largely
due to
Linking Words
 the taste, but it leads to animal extinction and the destruction of
nature
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 issue can be effectively addressed through two key strategies: be vegetarian and make rules.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the underlying causes of
this
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 issue and propose practical solutions to tackle it.
To begin
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 with,the main factor contributing to people's lack of
protein
Use synonyms
 is that they are surrounded by one's need to consume
protein
Use synonyms
 which gives power from
meat
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.
For instance
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, research shows that some 95% of people eat
meat
Use synonyms
 in Kazakhstan.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 causes not only the delicious but
also
Linking Words
 the need for
protein
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, a huge figure of individuals eat
meat
Use synonyms
, including substance extinction which causes people to demolish
nature
Use synonyms
 quickly. Despite all the challenges,
this
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 issue can be tackled by implementing effective strategies.
Firstly
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, vegetarians encourage individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not need to consume
meat
Use synonyms
 to receive
protein
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be obtained from fish which give a similar
protein
Use synonyms
 and
furthermore
Linking Words
, from vegetables.
This
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 highlights the importance of vegetarianism in order to decrease the share of
meat
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Secondly
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, the government has to make laws that cannot murder animals to consume food and show that it destroys
nature
Use synonyms
.
This
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 solution not only distracts from reducing consumption
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 saves
nature
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it caused by animal extinction and
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of
nature
Use synonyms
 present significant challenges for individuals, these obstacles can be effectively overcome through vegetarianism and laws. The setting,
do
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
consume
Fix the infinitive
to consume
show examples
meat
Use synonyms
 daily, with help person will save
nature
Use synonyms

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer organization and more explicit linking between ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single point and flows logically from one to the next, using transitional phrases to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
Try to more clearly define terms and concepts you use in your essay to avoid ambiguity and enhance the reader's understanding of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the task by suggesting measures to reduce meat consumption while also considering potential problems.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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