Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

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It is true that both

women

Use synonyms

and

men

Use synonyms

have the right to get everything equally.

While

Linking Words

I acknowledge that

women

Use synonyms

should

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to do most of the jobs they want, I believe that there are certain jobs which is not align with

women

Use synonyms

, not because they are

women

Use synonyms

rather

Correct word choice

but rather

show examples

than

Change preposition

because of

show examples

their physical and mental ability. On the one hand, we are living in

modern

Add an article

the modern

show examples

era. Society,

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

everyone gives fair attention to both

women

Use synonyms

and

men

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

: once upon a time,

women

Use synonyms

have a barrier, they can not get into

high level

Add a hyphen

high-level

show examples

managerial

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, many companies never paid

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

amout

Correct your spelling

amount

of money to

women

Use synonyms

as they paid to

men

Use synonyms

Also

Linking Words

, they have no privilege to

rise

Correct your spelling

raise

show examples

their voice against corruption happened to them. Fast forward

today

Change preposition

to today

show examples

everything

Correct word choice

and everything

show examples

changes rapidly. We see

women

Use synonyms

top level

Add a hyphen

top-level

show examples

management like

CEO

Fix the agreement mistake

CEOs

show examples

CFO

Correct word choice

and CFO

show examples

On the other hand

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

have some

limitation

Fix the agreement mistake

limitations

show examples

. They

not

Change the verb form

do not

did not

show examples

build like

Change preposition

apply

show examples

men

Use synonyms

Wether

Correct your spelling

Whether

show examples

it is about taking pressure or doing work

Change preposition

apply

show examples

outside.

For example

Linking Words

Correct the article-noun agreement

women

a woman

show examples

women

Use synonyms

can not work outside for

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time in summer. They will be sick.

However

Linking Words

, it is a

day to day

Add a hyphen

day-to-day

show examples

activity for

men

Use synonyms

. On top of that, they can work at any time and

any

Change preposition

in any

show examples

weather situation.

Finally

Linking Words

, when it comes to take pressure,

men

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can easily handle hard

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

Also

Linking Words

, they can do multitasking more than

women

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, some

profession

Fix the agreement mistake

professions

show examples

like cleaning

Remove the article

apply

show examples

garbage, which is not suitable

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

Use synonyms

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

skin and

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

, maybe

women

Use synonyms

must have the

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to get into any job

according to

Linking Words

their

qualification

Fix the agreement mistake

qualifications

show examples

However

Linking Words

, they have rights does not mean they have the ability. So,

instead

Linking Words

of thinking about

fairness

Add a comma

fairness,

show examples

we should pay attention

about

Change preposition

show examples

ability.

akylov.aWed Jan 29 2025

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Task Response

Try to develop your main points more fully. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.

Task Response

Ensure that all examples used clearly support the point being made. Some examples here do not strongly illustrate the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Paragraphs should flow smoothly into each other with clear transitions.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea thoroughly before moving to the next point.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure to the response.

Task Response

The response addresses the question and presents a clear opinion, acknowledging the complexity of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

schools for young children have become more or less competitive than before. agree or disagree

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do that advantages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantages

Government should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?