IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the proportion of men and women in Australia across various age ranges who were physically active in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the vast majority of women with age differences were more active than men.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the highest percentage of physical activity
exhibited
Add a missing verb
was exhibited

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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 in the youth, adults were considered to be the least active inhabitants of the country. The active years of females, with
considerable
Change the word
considerably

Considerable seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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 higher figures than males, were observed between 35 and 64, showing above 52% each. Adult females, who participated in exercises, represented approximately 49%. The youngest and eldest generations of ladies were almost the same active, representing 47% each. Males,
on the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, tended to be the most active ones in their youth at around 53%.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the lowest point of engaging in the sport occurred
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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middle age, from 35 to 44, standing at merely 39,5%. The other groups showed more or less
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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similar figures, from 42% to almost 47%.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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