IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Big salary is much important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary. Answer: It is often argued that it is more advantageous to do a job with high wage, even if it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with the statement and I think that growth in job and challenging roles are more important than higher compensation.

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There has always been a debate over
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
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 material
possession
Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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life
Use synonyms
 more meaningful. In
this
Linking Words
 case, some people argue that having a high-paying
job
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 is more crucial than a fulfilling
job
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.
While
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 the latter might be true, I strongly believe that having a really
high salary
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high-salary
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job
Use synonyms
 is fundamental to one's
overall
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life
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 satisfaction
due to
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 the financial security and the opportunity it brings. A lot of people choose a high-paying
job
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 in order to be financially secure, meaning having all of
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 primary needs covered up. The money to pay for a mortgage or rent, hospital bills in case of emergency, education for the kids,
nice
Correct word choice
and nice
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 clothes,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 hard to attain with minimum-wage jobs.
For example
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 in Canada, a lot of people complain that they have to go
in to
Join the words
into
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 debt or take on a
second,
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or even third
job
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 just to cover their basic needs.
Moreover
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,
big salary
Add a hyphen
big-salary
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 jobs often come with health insurance so that they don't have to worry about being sick.
Furthermore
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, in today's capitalistic system, being rich can unlock every possibility. Someone who's poor but really smart and has a passion to be a doctor can end up as a cashier,
due to
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 the inability to pay for the education. Meanwhile, a celebrity's son can star in a box-office movie without prior acting training. In conclusion, having a big salary
job
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 is very detrimental to one's
life
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overall
Linking Words
 satisfaction, since the possession of money is key to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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secured
Replace the word
secure
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 in our
life
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 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to chase our dreams freely.

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task achievement
Ensure consistency in arguments. For example, the introduction sides with job satisfaction, but the body paragraphs emphasize the importance of a high salary.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words for smoother transitions between ideas in your paragraphs, enhancing coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the key arguments effectively.
task achievement
Main points are supported with specific examples, such as the financial burdens faced by individuals in Canada, which enhances clarity.
task achievement
The argument about the opportunities brought by a high salary is convincingly made, illustrating clear comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • High wage
  • Mental health
  • Work-life balance
  • Career growth
  • Job security
  • Passion-driven work
  • Long-term success
  • Financial rewards
  • Employee productivity
  • Positive work environment
  • Challenging roles
  • Self-fulfillment
  • Professional development
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