IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The office you work in does not have any cafeteria for staff. Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell,     •    what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff     •    how you feel about it     •    what suggestions you have about setting up a cafeteria     •         •    Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir or Madam, I trust you are doing well. The purpose of
this
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 letter is to propose a cafeteria for employees. First and foremost, many members of our team have been going out daily for lunch or a coffee at the nearest restaurant which is approximately 20 minutes away in the regular traffic, but in heavy traffic, it’s almost up to 30 minutes of driving.
Due to
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 that, most of the employees are spending unnecessary time travelling and are struggling to focus on their work because of tiredness from travelling. From my perspective, considering all of these factors, I would strongly recommend building a cafe in our facility.
Moreover
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, the cafeteria could offer coffee, breakfast, snack and lunch.
Besides
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this
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, it should
also
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 include vegetarian options as well and should be located on the ground floor, close to the entrance. I hope to hear a positive response from you regarding the proposal for the cafe. Thank you. Sincerely, Ruchin Patel

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coherence and cohesion
While the letter is generally well-structured, you can enhance the overall flow by using more linking phrases between the points discussed. For example, you could explicitly connect the inconvenience caused by the commute with the suggestion for a cafeteria.
task response
In the second paragraph, you might want to elaborate slightly more on how the lack of a cafeteria impacts employees’ productivity. Providing specific examples or suggestions will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your letter has a polite and professional tone throughout, which is important for this type of communication.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs focusing on specific points, making your argument easy to follow.

Contractions

Formal and informal language refers to using different forms of language in different settings.

In informal writing, you can use contractions such as I’ll and Сan’t.

In formal writing, you should write I will and Can not.

Do not use exclamation mark in formal writing, but you can use it in informal writing.

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