IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a particular amount of people who are working for one working organisation
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole life. Society has two ways of thinking, either it is bad or not. From my perspective workers have to leave only in case they want to, there is no right or wrong way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is extremely useful for each individual to reach success in his career,
however
Linking Words
 many people wish to do it in the place they have been
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 for a long period of time. Workers may see the purpose of their life in the office ,they have put a lot of effort into a particular type of career for it to expand.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, cases where workers do not want to leave their jobs and try something new are not always bad. Considering that a job is not only a place where you are getting money for a particular task, it may mean a lot to you and your soul. Despite all
this
Linking Words
 bond ,the other part of the society has to improve and progress. A huge part of the individuals can’t stay in one place for their whole life. They have to change the environment and develop their knowledge. Relying on people’s behaviour, we may observe that for some of them, it may be essentially important to change the job and make huge
progresses
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we could not say that the process of people leaving their office is symbolising how bad they are working and their. From my perspective we may not compare additional behaviour,
this
Linking Words
 all depends on each person and their preferences,
however
Linking Words
, society doesn’t have to decrease rates of its knowledge and has to develop and make small improvements all the time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your introduction by clearly stating both views and your opinion. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments would benefit from being more developed and supported with specific examples or details to illustrate your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next, and consider using clearer transition phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
Your perspective is clear and you emphasize individual choice, which is a valuable point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: