IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household.
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The pie chart illustrates how
energy
Use synonyms
 is spent in an average
Australia
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Australian
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 household,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
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greenhouse
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the greenhouse
a greenhouse
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that is
Linking Words
 produced
as a result
Linking Words
 of
energy
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 use.
Overall
Linking Words
, heating represents the largest proportion of
energy
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 use ,
while
Linking Words
water
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 heating is the main source of
greenhouse
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 gas
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emission
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emissions
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. In
term
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terms
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 of
energy
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 use , heating is the highest with 42 per cent followed by
water
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 heating at 30%.Other appliances
was
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were
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 15 %
In contrast
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, refrigeration made up 7%
lighting
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of lighting
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 and cooling
represent
Wrong verb form
represented
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 the smallest proportion around
at
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apply
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42% and
at
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apply
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2% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the distribution of
greenhouse
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 gas
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emission
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emissions
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tell
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tells
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 us a different story,
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water
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with water
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 hearting the highest
emission
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 with 32 per cent despite consuming less
energy
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 than heating which accounts for only 15% of emissions . Other appliances
was
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were
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 28% of emissions , almost double their
energy
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 consumption refrigeration and lighting stand at 14% and 8% respectively,
likewise
Linking Words
 cooling contributes the least at just 3 % . In summary,
although
Linking Words
 heating uses the most
energy
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,
water
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 heating and other appliances are the largest
of
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apply
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greenhouse
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 gas
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emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, water, emission with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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