IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree? (Agree or Disagree)

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Individuals
Use synonyms
 hold diverse opinions regarding the suitability of older or younger
individuals
Use synonyms
 for leadership positions within organisations.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge the valuable qualities possessed by older
individuals
Use synonyms
, I contend that younger
individuals
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 possess a greater propensity for effective leadership. On the one hand, elderly
individuals
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 can excel as leaders
due to
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 their accumulated work experience. Their extensive years of experience often enable them to make sound decisions and contribute to the success of their organisations.
Additionally
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, their age fosters a sense of respect among others, granting them a more influential voice within the organisation.
Consequently
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, they command greater attention and are more likely to be listened to.
However
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, younger leaders may encounter challenges in effectively influencing their employees.
On the other hand
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, I believe that young
individuals
Use synonyms
 are better equipped to assume important positions. Their physical strength and adaptability enable them to handle demanding responsibilities and manage heavy workloads. Leadership often involves significant pressure, and older
individuals
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 may not possess the necessary resilience to cope with
such
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 challenges.
Furthermore
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, younger
individuals
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 tend to exhibit greater creativity, facilitating the identification of innovative solutions that benefit the entire organisation.
For instance
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, a young manager may devise a novel advertising strategy that drives increased sales. In conclusion,
while
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 I recognise the potential of older
individuals
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 as leaders, I advocate for the allocation of crucial positions to younger
individuals
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your points by providing more context or elaboration. For example, you could explain how younger leaders specifically foster creativity or adaptability in their teams.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a broader range of cohesive devices to enrich the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can help strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your position on the topic, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance in a concise manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contemporary
  • innovative
  • tech-savvy
  • adaptability
  • mentorship
  • diverse
  • leadership
  • risk-taking
  • reverse mentorship
  • evolving
  • strategic vision
  • dynamism
  • multigenerational
  • experience
  • knowledge transfer
  • caution
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