IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

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In general,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology devices help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huminaty
Correct your spelling
humanity
 to get better in several ways: educational,
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 issues and life affairs.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, they have
their
Change the word
an
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on us. Especially,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
!.
Change the punctuation
!
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 We are about to explain the
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 pros and cons. Many groups of parents have faith that keeping their children
keening
Wrong verb form
keened
show examples
 on
play
Replace the word
playing
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video
Use synonyms
gamesm
Correct your spelling
games
 might make them avoid a lot of troubles
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 may they face.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they
relaif
Correct your spelling
relate
 when they see
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids near them. In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there are companies which make
comptations
Correct your spelling
competitions
 in
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, so some parents think they can build a dream of money when their kids win. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, myriad
see
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sees
show examples
 that there are numerous disadvantages arise because of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for reasons. Many experts have
studies
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studied
show examples
,
children
Correct pronoun usage
that children
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 who play
so
Change preposition
for so
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 much time in
row
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a row
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 hours have weaknesses
to communicate
Change preposition
in communicating
show examples
 with other people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
lead to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
isolate
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 victims
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 reality which
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 of
fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
show examples
 in front of the public. we have heard about various diseases
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
caused by playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 without any limits or rules from parents. And make them do some activities outside homes because
that is
Linking Words
 the essential thing in the lifestyle. In my
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
, when the person who is in charge of the kids
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them rules to play what they want but not so much time, it will be better. Outdoor vibes are so important to young
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer about your stance on whether outdoor activities are more important than video games. Explicitly stating your position would strengthen it.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and follow a logical flow. This will improve coherence and guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points about the benefits and drawbacks of video games versus outdoor activities. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors, such as "huminaty," "keening," and "veiw." Proofreading can help improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and raises some relevant points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • exercise and movement
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • holistic approach
  • environmental awareness
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • posture
  • balance
What to do next:
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