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Writing Samples
Band 4

The pie charts below show the percentage of goods transported by five different means within a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the percentage of goods transported by five different means within a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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In the
charts
Use synonyms
 we can see the
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 ways of
transport
Use synonyms
 between
easter
Correct article usage
the easter
show examples
region
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and between
western
Add an article
the western
show examples
region
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
charts
Use synonyms
 show us the big difference between the use of
road
Use synonyms
 and pipeline or river
transport
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, it shows us the different ways of transportation like by air, water or land. The
highier
Correct your spelling
highest
 percentage of
transport
Use synonyms
 that they use between
easter
Add an article
the easter
show examples
region
Use synonyms
 and the
rest
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 is by
road
Use synonyms
 with 60% and
then
Linking Words
 by rail with 20%. In
western
Add an article
the western
a western
show examples
region
Use synonyms
 and the
rest
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
, the most
commonly
Change the adverb
common
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
 that they used is
also
Linking Words
 by
road
Use synonyms
 with 35%,
then
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 by rail with 25%.
However
Linking Words
, in
both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
charts
Add a comma
charts,
show examples
 the most useful and used way of
transport
Use synonyms
 is by
road
Use synonyms
 but the percentages are higher in the first chart. We
also
Linking Words
 can see that
transport
Use synonyms
 by river
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the same percentage in
both
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 with 10% and
both
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 have a big
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 with the use of pipeline
transport
Use synonyms
 because in the first it only has 5% and in the second it has 20%.
Also
Linking Words
,
transport
Use synonyms
 by air in
both
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 is one of the least used, in
both
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 is the smaller percentage of each chart. Concluding, the
road
Use synonyms
 is the most common way to get around in the eastern and western
Use synonyms
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charts, transport, region, rest, country, road, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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