IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

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Nowadays, many cultural
traditions
Use synonyms
 are attractive to many people who are ready to pay to visit them, some individuals argue that tourists cause cultural
traditions
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 to be lost or damaged when they are commercialized by travellers.
While
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 others think that some tourist attractions should earn money from that to survive. In
this
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 essay, I will focus on both perspectives and give my opinion. On the one hand, tourists would have negative impacts on the
places
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, if there are many people visiting a famous place, they would affect the environment seriously.
Additionally
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, some traditional customs only appear on some special days, but attracting
to
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apply
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travellers, they are open often now.
This
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 change would make an impression on foreigners, and
also
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 make the custom less meaningful to the
locals
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.
Moreover
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, some people would harm or damage the heritage of the
locals
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 when they come to visit crowded.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons why others say that cultural
traditions
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 are valuable income which helps some
places
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 make their lives easier. The increase in visitors will create funds for the
locals
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 which help them to have a chance to develop their
places
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.
Also
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,
this
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 is an opportunity which
promotes
Wrong verb form
promote
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 the values of
locals
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 and support the handicrafts from
locals
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. In conclusion,
although
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 making money from visitors has some negative impacts which enable to
destroy
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destruction
show examples
cultural
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of cultural
show examples
traditions
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, it
also
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 helps the
places
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 earn money from them to make ends meet.

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Task Achievement
Expand on the arguments presented in the essay for a more comprehensive discussion. For example, elaborate on how commercialization could alter cultural significance and provide specific examples to strengthen points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between paragraphs and within them. This would help in making the essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for better clarity and grammatical accuracy. This will improve overall coherence and make your argumentation more compelling.
Content
The introduction effectively outlines the two sides of the argument, setting a clear direction for the essay.
Content
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates your opinion, which helps in reinforcing your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural integrity
  • commercialization
  • commodification
  • authenticity
  • tourist-friendly versions
  • original meaning
  • context
  • extinction
  • global appreciation
  • global connectedness
  • economically disadvantaged regions
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