IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal informatoin, such as their hobbies and interests, and wheteher they are married or single. some people say tha this information may be releveant and useful. other disagree. discuss both views amd give your own opinioon

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that some
work
Use synonyms
 employers can ask
applicent
Correct your spelling
applicants
applicant
 about their private
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
 and social state since it might help employers to decide the best
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 for them,
while
Linking Words
othere
Correct your spelling
others
other
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
thses inforamtion
Correct your spelling
this information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 personal and people should be evaluated
according to
Linking Words
 their skills only. I agree that
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
 must be private. On the one hand, Some
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 offers might require the
applicents
Correct your spelling
applicants
 to share their hobbies and their relationship conditions. They believe that
this
Linking Words
 might help both employers and future employees at the same time.
In other words
Linking Words
,
applicents
Correct your spelling
applicants
 might be given specific jobs
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to their hobbies and
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
.
Also
Linking Words
, married people can have
fliexible
Correct your spelling
flexible
 working hours or the
possiblity
Correct your spelling
possibility
to
Change preposition
of working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 from home if they have children. Many studies show that those who
work
Use synonyms
 in the
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
 they enjoy will achieve more and be more creative.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, workers must have the right to protect their personal information and they should be given
gob
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
 offers
occording
Correct your spelling
according
 to their qualifications and
work
Use synonyms
 only. People go to their
work
Use synonyms
 to provide services not to meet with friends and chat about hobbies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some might face a kind of
discremination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 because of their social state and
lsoe
Correct your spelling
lose
also
 some jobs
as a result
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many companies that do not hire married women since they might need more
leaves
Fix the agreement mistake
leave
show examples
 to take care of their families. In conclusion, The
emplyers
Correct your spelling
employers
 should only ask about the soft skills and
qulifications
Correct your spelling
qualifications
 of the future employee.
In addition
Linking Words
, their
privecy
Correct your spelling
privacy
 must be protected
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
times to avoid the possible
discremination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 and to ensure that
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 has an equal chance to have any job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar/Spelling
Ensure that your grammar and spelling are checked to improve clarity.
Content
Develop your arguments more fully with additional specific examples or evidence.
Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Clarity of Opinion
You have expressed a clear personal opinion on the topic.
Balanced Viewpoint
Your essay does present both sides of the argument, which is good for task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • soft skills
  • team interaction
  • long-term commitment
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • stability
  • biases
  • discrimination
  • ethical standards
  • privacy concerns
  • professional qualifications
  • job performance
  • industries
  • technical fields
What to do next:
Look at other essays: