IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data illustrates participants
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five activities at a social centre in Melbourne between 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the participants in the social centre highly preferred to participate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the film club. The data overviews that film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 had the highest percentage of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 throughout the year at around 65%,
whereas
Linking Words
amature
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics recorded the lowest by 2020 at
jut
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
 about 5%. In 2000, Amateur dramatics and martial arts started off
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 an average
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 with a range of
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 between a quarter and two a fifth.
However
Linking Words
, after 2005, they both went
separate
Correct pronoun usage
their separate
show examples
 ways. Martial arts fluctuate with percentages between 30-
40
Correct word choice
and 40
show examples
 and amateur dramatic
went to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plunge
Replace the word
plunged
show examples
 from a third to less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 a tenth. Meanwhile, there are people
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the social centre
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
who also
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in table tennis and musical performances. Despite the minimal interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 table tennis in the early years, in 2010, the number tripled in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years. Interestingly, interest in musical performance had
also
Linking Words
rise
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 with no prior participants, musical performances revealed an upward trend and contributed around 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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