IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 information about the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emploees
Correct your spelling
employees
 in Australia for two genders in
three
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 groups in
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. Measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that
men
Use synonyms
 in one
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 higher than the women in the same
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
. And the women in the
last
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 were higher than
men
Use synonyms
 in the same
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the employed
men
Use synonyms
 in the
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 35-44
years
Use synonyms
 was so high in
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. And it was the same per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, at 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The
group
Use synonyms
 60-64 was the lowest in the first two
years
Use synonyms
 but
then
Linking Words
 it
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 higher in the
thered
Correct your spelling
third
 year. Started
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
, in 1984 and above 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 with nearly one per
cent
Use synonyms
, and ends at a
poin
Correct your spelling
point
 above 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
 that
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 employed in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-19
years
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Add an article
the group
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
kind of
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 the same in the
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
,at a point near 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 35-44
years
Use synonyms
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
ends
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very high point kind of 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2014. And it was higher than
men
Use synonyms
 in the same
groub
Correct your spelling
group
 and year.
Womens
Correct your spelling
Women
show examples
 in
60
Correct article usage
the 60
show examples
-64
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was so low in 1984, at 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 increased in the
last
Linking Words
 year, at nearly 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words three, age, years, men, group, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: