IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that reading books is more beneficial for children’s development than watching television or playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In today’s non-stop source creation to educate children, there are several tools which serve as educational
instrument
Change the noun form
instruments
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as texts, toys, technological devices and television programs.
However
Linking Words
, there is a portion of the population that believes that reading books
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more benefits to the child’s development than digital resources
such
Linking Words
 as TV shows and video games. From my point of view, I partially agree with the stated notion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will share some arguments to support my viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, traditional ways of studying, like reading tomes, have been less used than before. The constant evolution of technology has brought to the population, a variety of essential methods to enhance a better understanding.
For instance
Linking Words
, the internet, smartphones, computers, and social media have served as significant instruments to
intil
Correct your spelling
instil
 knowledge in the contemporary generation.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, schools are still using volumes and texts as study approaches, in order to foster several
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 abilities like reading and writing.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several entertainment producers are dabbling in creating educative material to be distributed through social media, TV, music and movies.
This
Linking Words
 content is a cutting-edge style
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 imparting valuable knowledge to pupils.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest statistics, parents who use educational videos with their babies, have experienced a better understanding of basic information,
such
Linking Words
 as the names of colours, shapes and animal sounds, than those with a traditional upbringing. For that reason, I am of the idea that both resources are vital to the modern generation of students
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since these insights are positive when parents have the ability to blend them correctly.
In addition
Linking Words
, other digital techniques
such
Linking Words
 as video games should be controlled by guardians as these can instil violent behaviour in the youth.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, all the stated perspectives serve positively only if teachers and parents are aware of their possible misuse
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, as these are double-edged sword tools.
Moreover
Linking Words
, digital games could be more detrimental than
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 educative
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While you mention statistics and examples, elaborating on them could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Using more cohesive devices could help the reader follow your logic more easily.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach which is commendable.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: