IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that reading books is more beneficial for children’s development than watching television or playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s non-stop source creation to educate children, there are several tools which serve as educational
instrument
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instruments
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,
such
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 as texts, toys, technological devices and television programs.
However
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, there is a portion of the population that believes that reading books
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more benefits to the child’s development than digital resources
such
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 as TV shows and video games. From my point of view, I partially agree with the stated notion. In
this
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 essay, I will share some arguments to support my viewpoint. On the one hand, traditional ways of studying, like reading tomes, have been less used than before. The constant evolution of technology has brought to the population, a variety of essential methods to enhance a better understanding.
For instance
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, the internet, smartphones, computers, and social media have served as significant instruments to
intil
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instil
 knowledge in the contemporary generation.
Nevertheless
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, schools are still using volumes and texts as study approaches, in order to foster several
children
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children's
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 abilities like reading and writing.
On the other hand
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, several entertainment producers are dabbling in creating educative material to be distributed through social media, TV, music and movies.
This
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 content is a cutting-edge style
to
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for
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 imparting valuable knowledge to pupils.
For example
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,
according to
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 the latest statistics, parents who use educational videos with their babies, have experienced a better understanding of basic information,
such
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 as the names of colours, shapes and animal sounds, than those with a traditional upbringing. For that reason, I am of the idea that both resources are vital to the modern generation of students
,
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apply
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 since these insights are positive when parents have the ability to blend them correctly.
In addition
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, other digital techniques
such
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 as video games should be controlled by guardians as these can instil violent behaviour in the youth.
To conclude
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, all the stated perspectives serve positively only if teachers and parents are aware of their possible misuse
of
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apply
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them
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apply
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, as these are double-edged sword tools.
Moreover
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, digital games could be more detrimental than
another
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other
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 educative
tool
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tools
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While you mention statistics and examples, elaborating on them could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Using more cohesive devices could help the reader follow your logic more easily.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach which is commendable.
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