IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workes deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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Many people believe that there should not be a certain
age
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 for
retirement
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.
According to
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 them, some occupations must have the option to retire earlier. I firmly agree with
this
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 statement and believe that the
retirement
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age
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 should depend on the expertise and cognitive
compenticies
Correct your spelling
competencies
 of the
elderlies
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elderly
show examples
.
This
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 essay will delve deeper
about
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into
show examples
this
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 subject and present my perspective. There are a wide range of professional occupations in today's world. Their requirements and qualifications are all different from each other.
While
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 several fields require physical participation, others put more importance
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cognitive abilities.
Thus
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, over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
this
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 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 individuals differently. To illustrate, an individual who worked actively for a substantial
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
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, will not be able to
work
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 after a certain
age
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, even if they want to.
On the other hand
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, someone who utilized their knowledge rather than participating actively will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 likely to be healthy and their
overall
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 well-being will
also
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 be better. So, the content of the workforce is a crucial aspect when deciding about
retirement
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age
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.
For instance
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, construction workers have to be physically active all day long.
This
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 may lead to severe consequences
such
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 as
pyhsical
Correct your spelling
physical
 damage.
Moreover
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, there are professions, namely being a doctor. Professional
healthcares
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healthcare
 not only use their hands constantly during operation, but they
also
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 use their mentality
such
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 as making critical decisions.
Furthermore
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, there are
expertises
Fix the agreement mistake
expertise
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 like teaching and being
a
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an
show examples
 instructor. Fields
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 these do not see physical
work
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 as a necessity.
Thus
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,
body
Correct your spelling
bodywork
show examples
work
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 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important factor when deciding
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
retirement
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age
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. If people continue to
work
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 after a
certian
Correct your spelling
certain
age
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, they can cause adverse impacts to both themselves and their environment. In conclusion,
according to
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 me,
retirement
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age
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 must depend on the occupation. What each field requires, must be taken into
consediration
Correct your spelling
consideration
.
According to
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 me, the employees who worked actively should be benefited.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and touches on the topic effectively. However, try to articulate your ideas more comprehensively in the body paragraphs to make strong connections between the points you raise and your central argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. For instance, the transition between discussing physical and cognitive professions could be smoother to enhance the reader's understanding of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'compenticies' instead of 'competencies,' and 'pyhsical damage' instead of 'physical damage.' These small mistakes can impact clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines what will be discussed, which is a strong start to your essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the differences between physical and cognitive jobs, which helps to support your argument.
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