IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given graph represents
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumers' average annual expenditure on three major
services
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
cellphone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
, represented by spaced dotted lines;
secondly
Linking Words
, International
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
, represented by bold lines; and
lastly
Linking Words
, National
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
, represented by closed dotted lines in America between 2001 and 2010.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, national
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 stood around $700 in 2001 but dramatically dropped to $400 by 2010. The International
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 started at approximately $200 to $300. They experienced slight growth in 2003 but declined again in 2004, after which the data remained steady
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Cellphone
Correct your spelling
cell phone
show examples
services
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 started at $200 and substantially peaked at more than $700 and gained higher profits than other
services
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cellphone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 in 2010
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 significantly higher and experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rapid growth. In conclusion, Consumer's largely used
cellphone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
International
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 and National
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, initially".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words services, cellphone, fixed-line with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: