IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The provided chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the changes in employment distribution of labour workers in the USA between 1930 and 2010. There are five different categories, measured as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it was obvious that the agriculture section took the lead among others
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, it reached the lowest point in 2010
while
Linking Words
 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 kinds exceeded it.
According to
Linking Words
 the industrial and technical sectors, both stood at 0% in the beginning but there was a noticeable increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 30% during the 80 years.
In addition
Linking Words
, sales and office,
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from 10%, and
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
experienced a slight fluctuation from 1930 to 1970. After that, it gradually rose and
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 out at 20%
finally
Linking Words
. In terms of farming, fishing and foresting, it peaked at around 79% in 1930 ;
however
Linking Words
, it slightly fell to 60% in the year 1970 before a sharp decline to just over 2% during the period between 1980 and 2010. Regarding the other services, the proportion of
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
 force witnessed a small growth of approximately 18% in 1940 but it consistently fluctuated before remaining stable at precisely 10% in 1980.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: