IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
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The given process chart depicts the ways in which
cement
Use synonyms
 and concrete are made. The production of
cement
Use synonyms
 involves 5 stages beginning with crushing the limestone and clay and ending up with packaging in the bags.
However
Linking Words
,
concrete
Add an article
the concrete
show examples
 process is very simple, including mixing the
cement
Use synonyms
, water, sand and gravel into a mixer. It is clearly evident from the left image on
diagram
Add an article
the diagram
a diagram
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 that in the initial stage, limestone and clay are put together into a crusher to make a powder form, which
then
Linking Words
 goes through a mixer and rotating heater to expose the flame.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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, the heated stuff is placed onto a grinder to give the final look to
Use synonyms
cement
Correct article usage
the cement
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
cement
Use synonyms
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 packed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bags for consumers. Turning to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concrete manufacturing, concrete is made up of 15%
cement
Use synonyms
, 10% water,
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
sand
Change preposition
of sand
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 and half of
small
Add an article
the small
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 stones of gravel through a mixer.
Although
Linking Words
 these
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
productions involve different stages,
still
Correct pronoun usage
they still
show examples
it does
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not look too complex.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • construction
  • cement-making
  • raw materials
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • heating
  • grinding
  • cement powder
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • versatility
  • strength
  • aggregate
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