IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With a fast pace of modern life, more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Because of the fast-paced contemporary life, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
inclined
Add a missing verb
are inclined
show examples
 to fast
food
Use synonyms
 for their primary
meals
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that
although
Linking Words
 consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 saves
time
Use synonyms
 because they are ready to eat, the drawbacks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
outweigh the benefits because public
health
Use synonyms
 deteriorates because of the harmful effects of fast
food
Use synonyms
. If individuals consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 as their primary
Use synonyms
meals
Fix the agreement mistake
meal
show examples
, it saves
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 valuable
time
Use synonyms
 because they are ready to eat. In today's busy world,
people
Use synonyms
 frequently purchase fast
food
Use synonyms
 for their lunch and dinner, and they invest that precious
time
Use synonyms
 in either working or taking rest
instead
Linking Words
 of cooking.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA,
people
Use synonyms
, who are working full-
time
Use synonyms
 do not want to cook in their home, and they principally depend on fast
food
Use synonyms
 for their
meals
Use synonyms
 only because they believe they can work
instead
Linking Words
 of cooking.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 on a daily basis detrimentally affects their
health
Use synonyms
. The consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 harmfully affects public
health
Use synonyms
. The majority of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is full of fat, sugar
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
 and other harmful compounds and
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential nutrients. If
people
Use synonyms
 completely depend on fast
food
Use synonyms
 for their regular
meals
Use synonyms
, it severely affects their
health
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 suffer from numerous
health
Use synonyms
 conditions
such
Linking Words
obesity
Change preposition
as obesity
show examples
, diabetes, and high cholesterol only because of consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 leading causes of obesity among
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their 30s and 40s is eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their office lunch.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 is not beneficial for
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 saves the
time
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 because they do not cook on their own, the downsides of having fast
food
Use synonyms
 for main
meals
Use synonyms
 outweigh the benefits because it negatively affects the
health
Use synonyms
 of the public.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, but it can be strengthened by specifying what the advantages and disadvantages are right from the beginning. This helps set up your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are fully developed with topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Some points feel underexplained and would benefit from additional detail or context.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and word choice. For example, 'the advantage outweigh the disadvantage' should read 'the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.' Minor errors can distract from your overall argument.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a cohesive argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as those relating to the USA and India, enhances your argument and shows an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: