Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn alot of money.others disagree and think that good salary leads to better life

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In our contemporary era, people's perspectives regarding job opportunities are with considerable variations.

While

Linking Words

some individuals claim that it is more crucial to spend the working hours in any profession with passion. Others,

however

Linking Words

, insist on the idea,

Correct word choice

that if

show examples

money

Use synonyms

gained

Add a missing verb

is gained

show examples

, it would be

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

quality of life, regardless

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

type of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

job. In my opinion, I see that an amusing occupation is far more crucial

due to

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stress free

Add a hyphen

stress-free

show examples

working life.

In addition

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to the high achievement resulted from pleasant work time. On one hand, proponents who support the idea of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better trades

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

with more

money

Use synonyms

claim

Correct pronoun usage

who claim

show examples

that

this

Linking Words

type of job position will be effective in supporting the demands of the family.

Besides

Linking Words

, it will give

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals the opportunities to pursue leisure activities.

Moreover

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it is clear that

Linking Words

a substantial salary would give the employee a better chance to save

money

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, an Iraqi friend of mine used to work as a doctor with a

remarkable

Change the word

remarkably

show examples

big

Correct word choice

high

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wage. Luckily, during the unfortunate events that took place in Iraq in 1990, he was supported by the reservoirs of his own resources.

This

Linking Words

was giving

Wrong verb form

gave

show examples

him the needed power to withstand the general financial disastrous events that destroyed the whole country.

On the other hand

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, advocates

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

argue about the paramount importance of pleasure during working hours. They

insis

Correct your spelling

insist

on the diminished stress and anxiety that ,mostly, occurs during

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the peak of working hours. In other

ward

Correct your spelling

words

show examples

, as the employees enjoy,

this

Linking Words

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in an increase in creativity and productivity.

Consequently

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental and physical health improvements would be

insured

Correct your spelling

ensured

show examples

To sum up

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, the debate regarding

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

career quality is quite considerable.

As some

Correct word choice

Some

show examples

people assert that

money

Use synonyms

obtained is of paramount importance. I think to be employed in an adorable work is

Change the article

apply

show examples

pretty more interesting owing to the benefits mentioned above.

raedjihad1978Sun Feb 16 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Your introduction could be more clearly structured by outlining both sides of the argument in a more balanced way. Additionally, consider rephrasing sentences for clarity.

task achievement

In your conclusion, reiterate your main points more succinctly and clearly to strengthen your argument. This will help reinforce your stance on the importance of job enjoyment.

task achievement

Try to include more specific examples in your body paragraphs to support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points and enhance the overall quality of your response.

task achievement

You've presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for the Task Achievement criteria. Your examples are relevant and help contextualize your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay flows relatively well, with appropriate transitions between paragraphs. This is a good aspect of coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn alot of money.others disagree and think that good salary leads to better life

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Problem: International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local habitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and museum, is a wast of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?