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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts provide information about the percentage of British
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to communicate in another language rather than their native in an English university,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 two distinct years, in 2000 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010. An increase in the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 who did not speak any other language was among the most notable features. In detail,
this
Linking Words
 figure was noticed to rise from approximately 30% in 2000 to 35% ten years later.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only 15% and 20% of the
students
Use synonyms
 could speak French and Spanish, respectively, in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 both these figures dropped to 10% in 2010
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak German remained stable at approximately 10%.
However
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 was
observed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a rise in the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who could communicate in another language
except
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 French, German and Spanish from approximately 15% to 20%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak more than two except English remained approximately the same at 5%.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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