IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that cashless
payment
Use synonyms
 is more popular and gradually replaces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
 to pay for things in shops. In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, more
people
Use synonyms
 are willing to accept the transition to digital
payment
Use synonyms
 and few
people
Use synonyms
 are unwilling to stop using the
cash
Use synonyms
. With the advancement of technology, digital
payment
Use synonyms
 is very convenient for all
people
Use synonyms
. It is not only a smart and fast method but is
also
Linking Words
 accurate and trustworthy.
That is
Linking Words
 why
people
Use synonyms
 prefer carrying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cards and mobile phones for
payment
Use synonyms
. It can
also
Linking Words
 reduce the risk of careless exchange and waiting time for
payment
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the coffee shop “Starbucks” has been using cashless
payment
Use synonyms
 for over 3 years. The waiting time for
payment
Use synonyms
 is become more efficient and reliable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 might not be interested in using digital
payment
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
cash
Use synonyms
. The possible reason for
this
Linking Words
, they found the digital system is not secure and lacks privacy.
For instance
Linking Words
, card or mobile payments sometimes ask for personal information which are not comfortable to share.
Moreover
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are not familiar
or
Change preposition
with or
show examples
 even do not understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
payment
Use synonyms
 or card-based payments. They get used to using
cash
Use synonyms
 and find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to be trained. In conclusion, with the technology development and overcoming the challenges, more
people
Use synonyms
 will move forward to using the cashless transition.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that digital
payment
Use synonyms
 can be fully established in one day.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to specify and expand on the benefits of cashless payments in more detail. For example, include specific statistics or studies that support the idea of increased efficiency and security.
Task Achievement
Clarify your counterarguments. While you've mentioned privacy concerns, elaborating on specific incidents or general trends in security breaches would strengthen your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the grammar and structure of your sentences are correct. For example, 'the waiting time for payment is become more efficient' should be 'the waiting time for payment has become more efficient.' Correct grammar improves clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your example about Starbucks is fully integrated into the argument. Instead of just stating it, explain how it relates to the broader context of cashless payments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument regarding cashless payments vs. cash use.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples, such as Starbucks, to illustrate the real-life application of cashless payment systems.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: