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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data illustrated the average CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
 per individual in four different countries, the United
Kingdom
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,
Sweden
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, Italy, and Portugal, within a 40-year timeframe.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
was uprising
Verb problem
rose
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 as the years
pass
Wrong verb form
passed
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 in Italy and Portugal,
while
Linking Words
 there was a clear downward trend for the United
Kingdom
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. In 1967, Portugal had the least
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 with under 2
tonnes
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,
although
Linking Words
 the United
Kingdom
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 was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place among other countries with the most
indicator
Fix the agreement mistake
indicators
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,
approximately
Change preposition
with approximately
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 11
tonnes
Use synonyms
 of
emissions
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, three of the given countries - the UK, Italy and Portugal - showed slight and relatively controlled changes in carbon dioxide
emissions
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 per person in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
Sweden
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.
While
Linking Words
 the trend was downward slope for the United
Kingdom
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, it never went below 8
tonnes
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Italy and Portugal had similar
incessent
Correct your spelling
incessant
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
CO2
emissions
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Sweden
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 had fluctuations within three decades; a surge between 1967 and 1977, and since
then
Linking Words
 the number plunged till 1987. In 2007, the CO2
emissions
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 per person reached the degree for
Sweden
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 and Portugal, which was almost 6
tonnes
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words emissions, kingdom, sweden, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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