IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.
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the bar chart graph
proviedes
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provides
 key information about
Correct article usage
the proporation
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proporation
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proportion
proportions
 of obesity
both
Change preposition
in both
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of
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apply
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women and men in Australia country. The units are measured in per cent .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that in 2000 year the
male
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males
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 had the highest rate in
thier
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their
 region.
In addition
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,
famle
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female
family
indicatiors
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indicators
indications
 represent less than men.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 gender had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher ratio
in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity .
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown between 2010 to 2000 year the trend was nearly
from
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apply
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70%.
While
Linking Words
 throughout 1980 and
and
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apply
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1990 were approximately in the same range at 50 percentage. In terms of
women
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women,
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 the illustration appeared that were significantly less than men in the overweight as in 2010 and 2000 were at half and in 1980 and 1990 the trend was in the minimal around 30 and 40 per cent .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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