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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The charts illustrate the proportion of older males and females working in Australia,
Japan
Use synonyms
, the USA, and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the majority of both genders were in
Japan
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least people were employed in
Belgium
Use synonyms
. More
men
Use synonyms
 were working than women in all four regions. By observing the graph, it can be noticed that during 1970, the ratio of
men
Use synonyms
 aged 60-65 working in Australia was 74%, which was a quarter more than those who were working in 2000. There was a minimal difference of 8 % noticed in the working percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 2000.
However
Linking Words
, more
men
Use synonyms
 were employed in the USA and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 during 1970, accounting
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 73% and 79% respectively. Probing ahead, no major distinction was recorded in Australia and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000.
However
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 more women were working in 1970,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was noted for the USA.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, belgium, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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