IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In most nations nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 have to travel away from their relatives. Some argue that finding work in different ADD AN ARTICLE a different The noun phrase different place seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article. show examples
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
 could improve
people
Use synonyms
's effectiveness,
While
Linking Words
 others
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 working in far land may affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health both mentally and physically. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that working in different environments can elevate the population's experience. The most obvious benefit is practicing work in different countries will improve inhabitants's
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and effectivity, at the same time, they will not
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 lonely
due to
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 internet service
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide, it is possible to communicate with their families at any time they want.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that, there are
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to learn new skills from the other
people
Use synonyms
 who are working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same side,
as well as
Linking Words
 they may able to discover their abilities when they are alone, so that all the focus would be on their field of interest.
For example
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, my old
firend
Correct your spelling
friend
 had been going to
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kindom
for starting
Change preposition
to start
show examples
 his own
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, and now he become one of the famous men there. One
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the drawbacks is living alone could be so hard at the beginning, because of humans's adaptations which
required
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sometimes
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be balanced with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 places.
Although
Linking Words
 starting from zero might
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 the
pasions
Correct your spelling
passions
passion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 trying
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of fields, it is so difficult to many
people
Use synonyms
 to build strong engagement with their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. A lot of populations had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
failed at the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 because of facing tough tolerance with the new cultures and traditions.
However
Linking Words
,
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 amount of them
reports
Correct subject-verb agreement
report
show examples
 their main problems as related to their parents.
To sum up
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, working in different lands may require
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elevating the chance of getting a job faster, But at the same time, it
is force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
 the
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
 to separate from his home.
However
Linking Words
, building a new path of working may negate the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 situation.

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grammar
Ensure that you include articles where necessary, as in "a different place" instead of "different place". This will improve your grammatical accuracy.
content
Clarify your ideas and ensure that they are well explained. For instance, further develop the point about how working abroad can elevate a person's experience. Providing more detail can help clarify your main argument.
style
Pay attention to your sentence structure and use varied vocabulary. Some phrases could be rephrased to enhance clarity and engagement. For example, instead of "huge amount of them reports their main problems as related to their parents," consider a clearer version like, "many reported that their main challenges were related to family separation."
content
You present a clear opinion on the topic and attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is admirable.
content
Your personal example about your friend moving to the United Kingdom effectively illustrates your point and adds a personal touch to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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