IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television sets, microwave ovens and rice cookers. Do you think this is a positive or negative development？

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There is growing concern over
individual's
Change noun form
individual
show examples
 purchases
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 household items
such
Linking Words
TV
Correct your spelling
as TVs
show examples
, ovens and advanced cookers to cook
rice
Use synonyms
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. I do believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend has more drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health as compared
to it's
Correct pronoun usage
to's
show examples
 comfort ,it offers in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. One of
primary
Add an article
the primary
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 reasons for not having these goods
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
 is
people
Use synonyms
 could become more dependent on
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
entertainment sources like television, which leads to
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time without noticing its negative impact on
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it might put financial burdens on individuals, because
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 love to be in trend always.
Therefore
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, their buying power might have
boost
Add a missing verb
been boost
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 and
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
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into messed
Change preposition
in messing
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 up their budget later.
Moreover
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, the rays which
microwave
Fix the agreement mistake
microwaves
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
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while
Linking Words
 heating up food increase the chance of having cancer, which is
deadly
Correct article usage
a deadly
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 disease, and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware of it.
For instance
Linking Words
, they might
using
Change the verb form
use
be using
show examples
 it for prepackaged foods or quick meals in their daily life routines,
would
Correct pronoun usage
which would
show examples
 cause trouble later in their life. To add to
this
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
rice
Use synonyms
 cookers have comfort which can not be overlooked, the chance of burnout of
rice
Use synonyms
 is way higher as compared to
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
 way of cooking
rice
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is better to have these
comforta
Correct your spelling
comforts
comfort
 at home but
relaying
Correct your spelling
relying
show examples
 on them permanently would not be an ideal choice. I think
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 better, if
people
Use synonyms
 use it wisely and, start valuing their physical inputs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work rather than on
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 advent technology gadgets.

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task achievement
In your introduction, clarify your stance more explicitly. Instead of 'I do believe that this trend has more drawbacks on people health as compared to it's comfort', you could say 'I believe this trend has more negative impacts on health than the comfort it provides.'
coherence and cohesion
Ensure spelling and grammatical accuracy, particularly with contractions. For example, 'it's' should be 'its' when indicating possession. Also, use 'individuals' instead of 'people' in formal writing to maintain a consistent tone.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions. For example, use phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' or 'In addition,' to enhance the flow of your ideas and guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide some specific examples related to the health risks associated with microwaves, which supports your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the potential financial impact of buying household goods, which is a relevant point for discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • household goods
  • television sets
  • microwave ovens
  • rice cookers
  • positive development
  • increased convenience
  • efficiency
  • improved standard of living
  • more choices
  • options
  • negative development
  • environmental impact
  • consumerism
  • materialism
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