IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart depicts the distribution of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in Australia across places of birth in 2003
while
Linking Words
 the line chart presents the proportion of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 by places of birth from 1993 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
workforceforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 labourers who were born in Australia occupied the vast majority of the list in 2003
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of three places of birth
unemployment
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend during the depicted period. In detail, the Australian
workforceforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 who
also
Linking Words
 was born in
this
Linking Words
 country took up a massive 76%, followed by the figure of NESC which made up nearly a quarter (14%).
Lastly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
ESC
Correct your spelling
ESCs
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 up a tiny minority of 10% of the Australian workforce. Moving on to the remaining categories, among three categories of
unemployment
Use synonyms
, the percentage of NESC consistently led the way. Its figure started at around 7%,
then
Linking Words
 decreased significantly to 3% in 1998 and remained relatively at
this
Linking Words
 level over the rest years. The
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate of people who were born in Australia started at nearly 4% and reduced to half of the initial figure in the
last
Linking Words
 year after experiencing fluctuation.
Similarly
Linking Words
, starting at above 3%, the percentage of ESC gradually declined over the given period and finished at around 1%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "depicts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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