IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Natural resources, such as water, forest and oil, are being used at an excessive rate. What are the causes of this problem? What are the possible solution to address this issue? Zhazira.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nature
resources
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
 water, forest and oil are being depleted at an alarming rate
due to
Linking Words
 human activities.
This
Linking Words
 overuse leads to environmental degradation, climate change and resource scarcity. One of the best
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
show examples
 children by teaching them to use appropriate.
Body paragraph 1
One of the principal reasons for
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
show examples
natural
Change preposition
of natural
show examples
Body paragraph 2
resources
Use synonyms
 is the Western lifestyle, which encourages high levels of consumption. People in developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
oftenuse
Correct your spelling
often use
 large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 for daily lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
 which we use in daily life require
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as; SUV cars which consume a lot of
Body paragraph 3
fuel, leading to high oil use.
Moreover
Linking Words
, smartphones, televisions and airconditioners,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
require excessive
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
. All
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 objects
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
To tackle
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 schools should teach kids and students about resource conservation.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Add a comma
Germany,
show examples
 part of the school programs
contains
Verb problem
is
show examples
 about
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
 of nature. Children learn essential topics like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 recycling,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 sides of overconsumption and which
Body paragraph 5
way it can damage
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way children can be aware
ofthis
Correct your spelling
of this
 situation
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age and can have knowledge.
Body paragraph 6
To sum up
Linking Words
, the overuse of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 is mainly caused
Conclusion
by in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 lifestyle,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 consuming
energy
Use synonyms
 and other
resources
Use synonyms
fordaily
Correct your spelling
for daily
daily
 life.
However
Linking Words
, to prevent
this
Linking Words
 situation, education and awareness programs can help understand the importance of conservation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas; however, it lacks depth in some areas. Aim to elaborate on your main points with more detailed explanations.
coherence & cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow by using clearer transitions between ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects its main idea.
coherence & cohesion
Make sure to proofread your writing for grammatical errors and clarity. This will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have identified relevant issues and provided some solutions related to natural resource depletion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: