IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People today don't make good use of their time and spend too much time watching TV and playing video games instead of participating in more productive activities. Do you agree or disagree?

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Most
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to allocate their
time
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 to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 software
games
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 and
eyeing
Verb problem
watching
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 television rather than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
Use synonyms
 creating new things. In my opinion, participation in video
games
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 leads to related issues by spending more
time
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 on screen.
This
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also
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 results in
Correct article usage
a persons
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persons
Change noun form
person's
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 disability to meet
people
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.
Initially
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, school-going children are addicted to these screening
games
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 because they give them enjoyment
while
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 playing these
games
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, giving more
time
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 to play
games
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 reduces their academic scores.
For instance
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, the
people
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 who choose to go through computerized
games
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 are less active in problem-solving and cognitive thinking.
Moreover
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,
this
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 improves the aggression
benhaviour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers. Devoting less
time
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 to
this
Linking Words
 kind of sport can help to decrease health problems.
Although
Linking Words
 watching TV can give some sort of knowledge, frequently doing the same thing can
also
Linking Words
 result in eye-sight and
migrain
Correct your spelling
migraine
 headaches.
For example
Linking Words
, viewing electronic devices for too much
time
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 causes more issues in health and behaviour. Young
people
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 are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 relevant example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 because they are addicted to seeing a program
in
Change preposition
on
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 television and show
slight
Add an article
a slight
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 interest in socializing with
people
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,
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additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
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 the output of
this
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 is less communication in society which leads to
Correct article usage
the lose
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lose
Change the verb form
losing
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 jobs. I want
to conclude
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 that, playing arcade
games
Use synonyms
 too much
time
Use synonyms
 leads to serious problems in the future like sleepless nights, academic and work performance, and physical issues. In fact, playing outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than monitoring the television.

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully to strengthen your arguments. Try to provide clearer examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will help to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your sentences are clear and grammatically correct. This will enhance the overall quality of your writing and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant issues regarding screen time, which shows your engagement with the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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