IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal questions such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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,
almmost
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almost
 all companies where you want to send your job application need to know more specific
inromations
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information
 rather than material about your skills ,
expirience
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experience
 or
educations
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education
show examples
.
For instance
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, about your hobbies or interests, Let's have a look
whether
Change preposition
at whether
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 the
people
Use synonyms
 agree or disagree in order to employers will have
a full rights
Correct the article-noun agreement
full rights
a full right
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on
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to
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 those data. Some
peiple
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people
 are more than happy to
share
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 those private
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 just because they are
pridicting
Correct your spelling
predicting
 it will be beneficial for their start in a new company. In spite of the material has nothing to do with their skills and long
expirience
Correct your spelling
experience
 and
in addition
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 they do not see anything wrong
on
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with
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 it. Those
king
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kinds
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 of
people
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 are
open
Correct word choice
open-minded
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 mind and they think with these
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share
Replace the word
shared
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 info can have a better
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
 or have
better
Add an article
a better
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 relationship with their
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new boss.
In
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On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, still a lot of
people
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 are
shoked
Correct your spelling
shocked
 or minimum surprised if they see those
questions
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 because
of
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apply
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adults think companies
hve
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have
 no
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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for asking
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to ask
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on
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apply
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those personal
questions
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,
what
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about what
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 they do in their free time. For someone is too intimate. In my personal opinion, those
questions
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 are not too intimate so I agree with the first 50 % of the population and there is nothing why I can not
share
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 those materials,
for example
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: hobbies.
However
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 there rest of the population who disagree answer
on
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apply
show examples
those personal
questions
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 just because those
questions
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 are too private and they do not wanna
share
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 at all.
wheater
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Whether
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, employers have or have
not
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no
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 rights on those specific
questions
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, I really do not know.
Nevertheless
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, if
people
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 do not want to respond
on
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to
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 it employers have to accept it. Unfortunately,
some
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in some
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 companies, when they see
application
Correct article usage
an application
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withnout
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without
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 answer, that person is automatically out of the selection
procces
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process
. That's not right, isn't it?

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Language
Check the spelling and grammar throughout the essay to ensure clarity, for example, 'nowadays,' 'almost,' 'information,' and 'experience.'
Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions and connectors between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points more effectively and strengthen your argument.
Content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a key requirement for this task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prospective employee
  • company culture
  • job performance
  • marital status
  • professional abilities
  • intrusive questions
  • biased hiring process
  • personal characteristics
  • unique professional skills
  • right to privacy
  • power imbalance
  • qualifications
  • compatibility
  • professional achievements
What to do next:
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