IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In the present world, technology is advancing at an increased pace. Even making transactions and purchases became easier with it.
Although
Linking Words
 it seems like in the upcoming
times
Use synonyms
 all the payments will be made through cards or
phone
Use synonyms
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 and no cash will be accepted, I do not think
this
Linking Words
 will be the case. Problems
such
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 as
reliability
Correct article usage
the reliability
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
phone
Use synonyms
's battery and the fact that once a
card
Use synonyms
is stole
Change the verb form
is stolen
show examples
 it can be misused will prove why some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 might be unhappy with the change.
Firstly
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, it is hard to depend on a
phone
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 to make
transections
Correct your spelling
transactions
show examples
 as there is always a chance that it might not have enough battery.
For instance
Linking Words
, in order to be able to use
Use synonyms
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
 in shops it has to be made sure that it
adequately
Add a missing verb
is adequately
show examples
 charged at all
times
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. Which is not always possible.
Hence
Linking Words
 carrying some cash which will be beneficial in
emergency
Add an article
an emergency
show examples
 is a great alternative.
Secondly
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,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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tapping a
card
Use synonyms
 and instantly making payments seems like an easy option, but not when the
card
Use synonyms
 gets stolen.
For instance
Linking Words
, once stolen it takes
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours to lock the
card
Use synonyms
, but if the thief is smart he/she will make sure to use it immediately after stealing it.
Thus
Linking Words
, we cannot completely rely on cards at all
times
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. In conclusion, using technology for making purchases might appear to be easy but there are some
serous
Correct your spelling
serious
show examples
 consequences to it which cannot be ignored.
Therefore
Linking Words
, using cash should always be an option at stores at all
times
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic and your stance clearly, but could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing to more fully capture the reader's interest.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally logical, but the flow between some sentences could be improved. Try using more linking words to enhance fluency between your ideas.
Task Achievement
While you provided examples, they would benefit from more depth or variety. Providing a personal experience or a broader context could strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
Task Achievement
Your points about battery dependency and card theft are relevant and form a strong basis for your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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