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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates how many
books
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were borrowed from June to September 2014 from four village libraries,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart displays the proportion of the kinds of
books
Use synonyms
 that were borrowed in the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed in Ryeslip experienced a significant decline, whilst those in West Eaton and Church Mount gradually increased. The figure,
moreover
Linking Words
, showed a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
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 fluctuation in Sutton Wood. The most popular type of
Use synonyms
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
 was Fiction which was more than others almost 3 times. In terms of the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed, Ryeslip had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 at the beginning,
then
Linking Words
 sharply
dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 down.
However
Linking Words
, its
number
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 remained at the second highest rank.
Although
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of Sutton Wood
initially
Linking Words
 stood at 250, it slightly climbed and
then
Linking Words
 noticeably decreased before rapidly returning to reach its peak at 300
books
Use synonyms
, surpassing those in Ryeslip and making Sutton Wood the highest
Use synonyms
books
Correct quantifier usage
number of books
show examples
 borrowed.
Coversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, West Eaton and Church Mount started at 50
books
Use synonyms
 in June and had only a slight change to end at 150. For the types of
books
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 borrowed, Fiction was the most commonly borrowed with almost 50 percent
while
Linking Words
 other categories acquired no more than 20% of the total share.
Although
Linking Words
 the second most popular one was Biology
books
Use synonyms
, the proportion of
this
Linking Words
 type was not much higher than others. History and Science
books
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 got the same amount of share at 14%, followed by 10% which was a percentage of
Self-help
Correct article usage
the Self-help
show examples
 group.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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