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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart above shows the science
qualification
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 in two
countries
Use synonyms
Singapore
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Correct word choice
and Malaysia
show examples
. And
spliet
Correct your spelling
split
 them
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 four groups Master's, Bachelor's, School leaving exams and No
qualification
Use synonyms
. Starting with
Master's
Correct article usage
a Master's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 both
countries
Use synonyms
 have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
qualification
Use synonyms
 in science
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nearly 5%, and
this
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 lowest
from
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the other groups. In No
qualification
Use synonyms
, we can
se
Correct your spelling
see
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people in both
countries
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60% for
Singapore
Use synonyms
 and about 65% for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 highest
percentage
Use synonyms
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the classifications.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Singapore
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more people taking Bachelor's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 about 20% more than
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 by 10%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, School leaving exams
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 slightly more in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 with 35%
approxmatily
Correct your spelling
approximately
 and 30% in
Singapore
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the two
countries
Use synonyms
 dosenot have high
Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 in science most of their population have no
Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 or school leaving exams, just
Correct article usage
a
show examples
minority of them
that take
Verb problem
have
show examples
Master's
Correct article usage
a Master's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 or Bachelor's
degree
Use synonyms
 in
scince
Correct your spelling
science
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words qualification, percentage, countries, singapore, malaysia, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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