IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Due to high unemployment rate in some countries, pupils should be offered only primary education and not secondary education since there is no jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that increasing unemployment has become a concerning issue that youths should be provided with only primary
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 as there are no job markets. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because a higher education is
basic
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the basic
a basic
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 foundation for many things and individuals can learn lifelong
skill
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skills
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. One of the reasons why I disagree is that
,
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apply
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college level
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college-level
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 education is a brick that allows children to attain many successes in life.
This
Linking Words
 is necessary as it leads to
development
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the development
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 of a country because of breakthrough scientific innovations or
through
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apply
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technological advancement all possible
due to
Linking Words
higher level
Add a hyphen
higher-level
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 subjects
such
Linking Words
 as Science, Mathematics, Psychology, and so on .
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the founder
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founder
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founders
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 of
a
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apply
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most famous companies like Tesla were enrolled
into
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Harvard University
due to
Linking Words
 which they were able to creatively start their own
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 and employ themselves with many opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, secondary education allows folks to gain
skill
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skills
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 that can
last
Linking Words
 forever.
This
Linking Words
 is because it fosters their critical thinking
while
Linking Words
 doing any assignments or participating in a debate
at
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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campus which is sufficient to lead a
fullfulling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
 path as they can employ those ideas
unto teaching
Change preposition
to teach
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 anyone.
This
Linking Words
 is

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task achievement
Ensure you fully develop your introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining your main points. A stronger thesis statement would enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This will improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
In your examples, make sure to provide a clear connection between the evidence and the argument you are making. Also, check for grammatical precision, especially in the area of subject-verb agreement and word choice.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your stance, as this will reinforce your argument and give it a sense of closure.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task response.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as mentioning Tesla and Harvard, strengthens your argument and adds context to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • employability
  • entrepreneurship
  • educational reforms
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • job market
  • opportunities
  • critical thinking
  • advanced skills
  • self-employment
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