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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the literacy rate (% of people who can read and write) by region and gender in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the literacy rate (% of people who can read and write) by region and gender in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates reading and writing proficiency proportions for both males and females in seven distinct regions of the world in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, five places show differences in educated individuals,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 two places remain the same. It was
firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 observed that Central Asia had the highest literacy
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, approximately 100% for both genders. The
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 was a bit lower in Central/ Eastern Europe, at nearly 100%. In East Asia/ Pacific, the figure remained close to 100% for men, but a gap started to appear, with the percentage for women decreasing to just over 95%. In other areas
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as Latin America/ Caribbean, Arab States,
South
Correct word choice
and South

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 and West Asia, the numbers continued to decline, at roughly 95%, 90%, and 80% for males,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 for females, it stood at around 90%, 80% and 60%. The region with the highest illiteracy
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 surveyed was Sub-Saharan Africa, where the number of people being literate was recorded at about 70% for men and 60% for women. In summary, in most areas, men had a higher literacy
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 than women with a variation of 5% to 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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