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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows percentages of males and females working for different duration(hours) per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows percentages of males and females working for different duration(hours) per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 and
womens
Correct your spelling
women's
women
employing
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
 for varied
hours
Use synonyms
 per week in Australia in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that males and females mostly
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 30-50
hours
Use synonyms
 and both of them remained stable
about
Change preposition
at about
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 over 80
hours
Use synonyms
. Starting with
womens
Correct your spelling
women
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, they were mostly working about 30-50
hours
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 was about %35 on
this
Linking Words
 as opposed to
Use synonyms
mens
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 was approximately %43.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
womans
Correct your spelling
women
working at 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
about
Add a missing verb
were about
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 %15 and
Use synonyms
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 were %5.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, females were working 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
 approximately %22 and
Use synonyms
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 were about %12.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the most significant
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 in females and males working
hours
Use synonyms
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 60-80
hours
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Mens
Correct your spelling
Men
show examples
 were about %30 and
womans
Correct your spelling
women
 approximately %18 . What is more
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 80
hours
Use synonyms
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
has remained
show examples
 stable both of them were %10.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mens, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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