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Writing Samples
Band 4

The process diagram shows the stages involved in the process of making leather goods. Beka

The process diagram shows the stages involved in the process of making leather goods. Beka
The process diagram illustrates
process
Add an article
the process
a process
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 of making good leathers and their stages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
a
Change the article
an
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11-stage, man-made, linear process. It starts with drying animal skin and
finally
Linking Words
 results in leather being delivered for public consumption. First of all, the animal skin is
drying
Wrong verb form
dried
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 and delivered by van to the factory where all processing begins.
Then
Linking Words
 it is washed in
liquid
Add an article
a liquid
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 made from water and lime. After washing the animal skin, each piece of
layers
Fix the agreement mistake
layer
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 is soaked in lime and undergoes
flattening
Correct article usage
a flattening
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 stage through special equipment to acquire
smooth
Correct article usage
a smooth
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 structure. After that,
flattened
Correct article usage
the flattened
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 substance reput into tanning which is made from water and
vegetables
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetable
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 matter to moisten. Following that, the moistened leather is polished thoroughly by
polishing
Correct article usage
a polishing
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 machine, which makes it
ready
Correct article usage
a ready
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 product to
further
Linking Words
manifucture
Correct your spelling
manufacture
manufacturer
.
Next,
Linking Words
it is delivered by van to different factories which produce goods.
Finally
Linking Words
, people can purchase
a new items
Correct the article-noun agreement
new items
a new item
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 for their daily use.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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