IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.
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The chart illustrates some information about how many percents of overweight
mens
Correct your spelling
men
men's
 and
womans
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 in Australia between 1980 and 2010 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can be seen that the proportion of overweight males increased remarkably and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak in 2000 . Another , the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of overweight females
also
Linking Words
 climbed considerably and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 unchanged
in
Change preposition
between
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 2000 and 2010 . As can be seen from the chart , the rate of overweight men rose from under 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1980 to reach the highest point at 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but later declined minimally
at
Change preposition
to
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 68
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 after 10 years .
According to
Linking Words
 the graph , the number of overweight women started at 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1980 and grew tremendously
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1990 . After
went
Wrong verb form
going
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 up enormously
50
Change preposition
by 50
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percent
Use synonyms
 in 2000 , the rate of overweight women stabilized until 2010 .

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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