IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to look for these sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do you think the advantages of locating oil and gas in these places outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these places?

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It is argued that it is time
to begin
Linking Words
 getting the natural
resources
Use synonyms
 from far
eares
Correct your spelling
are
due to
Linking Words
 the high demands on them, and the increase of population in big cities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement as I believe exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
undiscovered
areas
Use synonyms
 may harm the environment.
Firstly
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, building oil stations in undiscovered
areas
Use synonyms
 will affect not only the
greenlands
Change the capitalization
Greenlands
show examples
 but
also
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 the animals and their habitats.
while
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 thinking of how to facilitate services for big cities' populations by consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, wildlife will be destroyed.
For Example
Linking Words
, some oil stations built in deserts have greatly impacted camels, causing some species to become extent
as a result
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 of pollution and destroying their natural homes. I think protecting the natural
resources
Use synonyms
 and wildlife is more important than using them.
Secondly
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, those
areas
Use synonyms
 are sources of oxygen and fresh air globally. They
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 not only the main producers of food and natural
resources
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 work as filters to clean the air from harmful gases.
For instance
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, the
quator
Correct your spelling
equator
 forests are
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 provider
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 food and green plants all over the world, at the same time it is a place where the
poisionus
Correct your spelling
poisonous
 air which is full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
carbone
Correct your spelling
carbon
 dioxide can be renewed. I believe that the ecosystem harmony should not be disturbed by people. In my opinion, maintaining a healthy community and green spaces
while
Linking Words
 focusing on using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
resources
Use synonyms
 wisely is more important than starting to explore new places and damage them. Governments may encourage people to use
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 tools like solar panels to reduce the consumption of oil

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Task Achievement
To enhance your introduction, clearly outline your position. Instead of stating that you 'strongly disagree,' explain briefly why to set the tone for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to consistently capitalize the first letter of proper nouns (e.g., 'Quatro' instead of 'quator'). It helps maintain professionalism in your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider adding transitional phrases at the beginning of your paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, you could begin your second point with 'Furthermore' or 'In addition.'
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples with additional details or context. For instance, instead of just mentioning 'some oil stations built in deserts,' specify a case study or provide more details on the impact.
Task Achievement
Your concerns about environmental protection are clearly articulated and provide a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and the implications of oil and gas exploration in untouched areas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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