IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have lost an item of value on a train. Write a letter to the railway company. In your letter: describe the item explain where and when you left it say what action you would like the company to take ​ You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that I lost my armlet on your
train
Use synonyms
 during my journey from Edmonton to Calgary It was a white-coloured bangle with some crystals on the top.I purchased it from the Royal Jewelry Shop of Edmonton when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was there for a visit. I bought that ornament to wear
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on any special occasion. I lost it when the
train
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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calgary
Change the capitalization
Calgary
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 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 remember
i
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I
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 was moving out all my luggage from the
train
Use synonyms
 in a hurry as trains usually have a
time
Use synonyms
 stamp of two minutes on every stop.
However
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, the
time
Use synonyms
 when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was near to parking area
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 realised that
ornament
Correct article usage
the ornament
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 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was wearing was not
in
Change preposition
on
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 my wrist anymore. As per my understanding,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am pretty sure that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 lost my trinket in the same
train
Use synonyms
 coach in which
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 so
i
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I
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 want the railway authorities should take strict measures to find my wristband as it was very expensive.
In addition
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 to
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 I
also
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 informed the nearest head office to check the
train
Use synonyms
 going
on
Change preposition
in
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 the same
time
Use synonyms
 zone. I really appreciate your support during
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 and hope to receive positive feedback from you soon Best regards Ashir Syal

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include a proper salutation or greeting such as 'Dear Sir or Madam' instead of 'Dear Sir'.
task achievement
In the conclusion, a more formal closing remark would improve the tone, for instance, replacing 'I hope to receive positive feedback' with 'I look forward to your prompt response'.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more transitions between ideas to improve the logical flow of the letter, such as adding 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' at the beginning of paragraphs.
task achievement
You clearly described the lost item and the circumstances around its loss, which meets the task requirements effectively.
task achievement
Your letter conveys a polite tone and expresses gratitude towards the railway company's potential assistance, which is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable item
  • distinctive features
  • left behind
  • compartment
  • last seen
  • retrieved
  • item description
  • identifying information
  • contact
  • lost and found
  • appropriate department
  • expeditious
  • immediate assistance
  • trace
  • recovery
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