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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of Canadians gave money to charitable organisations by age range For the years 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of Canadians gave money to charitable organisations by age range For the years 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart shows the percentage of Canadians who donated money to charity in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups between 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 donors contributed more than any other
age
Use synonyms
 group given in the chart
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the proportion varies slightly over the period of fifteen years. By taking a closer look, people belonging to the
age
Use synonyms
 range 35 to 49 years and 50 to 64 years donated more than any other
age
Use synonyms
 range in both 2000 and 2015.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the year 2000,
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 individuals
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the majority of almost 40% in terms of donors
while
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the year 2015,
old
Correct your spelling
old-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 individuals
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 the lead by almost 38%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of donors was
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 in 2000 than in 2015. By probing
further
Linking Words
, we can say that younger individuals are less generous as people from 18 to 24 only contributed 20% in 2000 and an even lower of 10% in 2015 so they are a minority.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
goups
Correct your spelling
groups
 consist of a larger proportion and donate more than 60% of all
donor
Fix the agreement mistake
donors
show examples
 on the chart.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • age range
  • charitable organisations
  • fluctuates
  • notable changes
  • participation
  • considerable decrease
  • contrast
  • consistent increase
  • middle age groups
  • peak
  • notable drop
  • shift
  • financial priorities
  • economic circumstances
  • demographic
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