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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
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The two bar charts depict the males and females' percentage of employment between 60 and 64 years old in Australia, Japan,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Belgium in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 worked more than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in both years and in all the countries.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 employment in 1970
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher all over the countries compared to 2000, women in 1970 worked more than in 2000 just in Japan and Belgium. First and foremost, in Australia, despite 74% of
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 employed in 1970, nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 (18%) were hired the same year.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 employment in Japan (76% and 84%) was almost double in both years compared to women, respectively 40% and 43%.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words man with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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