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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graphs illustrate the percentage of workers in different sectors,
such
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 as manufacturing,
sales
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, and
services
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, in
town
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 A and
town
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B
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 in 1960 and 2010.
Overall
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, the manufacturing job remained the majority in
town
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B
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 consistently,
while
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town
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 A experienced a significant decline in the
proportion
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 of people who worked in the factory. In terms of
town
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 A, manufacturing workers accounted for 41% of the total
proportion
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, and the
services
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sector
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 and
sales
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sector
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 each made up 29% and 30%, respectively.
However
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, there were some changes in the
proportion
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 in 2010. The manufacturing group and
sales
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 group decreased sharply to 20% and 16% respectively,
whereas
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 the percentage of the
services
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 category rose sharply to 64%. Regarding
town
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B
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, the manufacturing
sector
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 started with the biggest
proportion
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 at 70%, with
services
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 and
sales
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 recording 10% and 20%. In 2010,
although
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 there was a slight drop in the factory workers, but still remained the first rank at 53%, and service and
sales
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 accounted for 25% and 22%, respectively. In summary,
while
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 the service
sector
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 came in first in
town
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 A in 2010, manufacturing was the most common job in
town
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B
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, services, town, b, proportion, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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