IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people in some countries have to move away from their countries and thier friends so that they get a job , does the advantages outwigh the draw backs and show both opinions and the arguments.

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ANS: The world is in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continuous change, before, it was easy to get a job, but now, in some countries,
people
Use synonyms
 have to leave their families and their friends so that they get a job, but the question is, does that worth it? Some
people
Use synonyms
 answered yes
although
Linking Words
 it might seem unrealistic but they have an opinion
that is
Linking Words
 filled with
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 and facts, and other
people
Use synonyms
 answered no, and they have their
informations abd
Correct your spelling
information and
 facts, and both will be provided in the following paragraphs. The first group of
people
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 who answered yes say that being unemployed would have a negative effect on you, your friend and your family, since you have a lot of time and a lot of desires, with
little
Add an article
a little
the little
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 amount of money, which might lead you to do illegal things, or
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
increased
 cost on your family,
also
Linking Words
 having no job means having no
sorce
Correct your spelling
source
 of money, you can't travel or marry, and you obviously don't want to be heavy on your family and your friends, despite the fact that you might comment crimes. leaving everything might give everything, and more, because mixing up with new
people
Use synonyms
 new places and new perspectives
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
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 social experience mental ability, and
self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
While
Linking Words
 the other group of
people
Use synonyms
 who answered no says that leaving family and friends would no leave you an emotional support
sorce
Correct your spelling
source
, and would affect your mentality and your personality negatively,
also
Linking Words
 it worsens your
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 and changes your attitude, supporting that with a
sutific
Correct your spelling
specific
research
Add a comma
research,
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wich
Correct your spelling
which
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 suggest that more
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 41% of
exoats-
Correct your spelling
expats-people
exports-people
people
Use synonyms
 who work abroad-have like these characteristics. In conclusion, I think both opinions
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 coherent facts and
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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, you could say
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree with both, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think I agree more with the first
people
Use synonyms
, since going for new experiences
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
 my attention!

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the thesis statement and clearly outlines your argument. This helps the reader understand your perspective from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help with the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your overall message. For instance, 'thier' should be 'their' and 'increas' should be 'increase'.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the task.
task achievement
The writer explores the emotional effects of both moving away and staying, adding depth to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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